Getting Started on Your First Person Impression

So why are YOU here?   Because your brother/son drags you halfway across the county so he can be a soldier and you want to show your support.. You like to dress up in fancy ball gowns. You love meeting people with a common interest and you love to “tell the story” of the female side of the Civil War. You just found a great way to spend time out of doors and you can pretend to be somebody you are not.  All good reasons why women get involved in the hobby of reenacting.  However, for a female reenactor, validation is the challenge.

Here are some suggestions if you want to be an accurate representation of the war period and do it with an acceptable reason. One thing that is very important - you have to be honest with yourself.  If you cannot be comfortable at events, than what is the sense in going?  If you are a quiet person, please don’t try to portray a Vivandier, it won’t work.  If you prefer being with ladies all day, then you really shouldn’t dress as a man and try to be a soldier, you’ll hate it.  If you have a very strong southern accent, you had better not try to portray a member of the northern Christian Commission.

Think, think and think some more about it.

Developing a first-person impression requires research. You will need an understanding of the world of the mid-1800s—what your persona would and would not know, what they would experience and understand, their beliefs and attitudes. You must develop a worldview,  an understanding of your persona’s past as well as his/her present. Look for photos of women who did what you want to do.  The library is a great place to start.  Your librarian can help you locate books about very specific subjects.  Go online and do a search for “Civil War Nurse” and it will bring up thousands of sites worth reading.  Make notes of women who were actually in the war.  When talking with spectators they love to hear names dropped.  Try to mention the common women, but also mention some not so familiar.  For example, everyone knows Clara Barton.  But how many history books speak of MaryAnn Bikerdyke?  Bring some new information to the public, don’t just re-hash what they already know.  If you have trouble remembering names, then pick one lady who struck your interest and focus on her alone.

When you develop a first-person impression, draw on your own personality and background. Consider your own ethnic identification, education, upbringing, values, and social standing. Modify your present day occupation and hobbies to fit the 19th century. Being in first person does not mean acting a part. Using yourself as a template for your impression will allow you to react naturally and spontaneously to situations, the public, and other participants while in first person at events. Once you have developed a biography, share it with others; especially if they should know you well (family, comrades, etc.).

Do not force the first person, as it will then come off as sounding very fake and contrived.  Try to be comfortable with your conversations.  We know that this is a new experience for many of you and do not feel bad or too scared about it.  Until you “get in the mood” or find a level of comfort in order to converse in first person, remember, “Silence is golden”!  There is nothing wrong with simply being a quiet person and responding to questions and such.  Hopefully, if you do the preparation and give it time, it will come to you naturally.  Everyone will have varying degrees of comfort with it so do not feel that you are alone if it takes you a while to do it.  The important thing to remember is not to ruin those around you and if someone is ruining your experience with modern talk and not respecting the work you have put into this event, take them quietly aside and let them know.

Winter Camping Tips

·         Leave the tent flaps vented a bit, it cuts down on interior frost. With the tent pole going up right where the tent ties you will have gaps. Don’t worry, tie it up the best you can the gaps and cracks between the bottom of the tent and the ground will help with ventilation.

·         Hay is a great insulator to surround your tent, some events offer hay/straw for this purpose.

·         INSULATE UNDERNEATH YOU. The ground is cold and you will lose body heat if you are in contact with the ground. You should have 3 times more (in insulating value) under you than you have on top. Make sure you never come in direct contact with the ground. Get a closed cell foam pad to provide insulation between your sleeping bag and the ground. A foam pad cushions and insulates. The air pockets are excellent in providing good insulation properties. Use more than one insulating layer below you – it’s easy to slide off the first one. You can also use blankets or a piece of carpet to help insulate underneath you. Do not use a blow-up air mattress. Air mattresses only increase the amount of air that you need to heat up. In an emergency, cardboard makes a great insulator. Old newspapers are also good insulation. If using a cot, use the space under the cot for storage. It reduces the space that cold air can collect.

·         THE SLEEPING BAG DOESN’T HEAT YOU; YOU HEAT IT. So use this rule: "Thickness is warmth." If you’re cold, add some more insulation (blankets, clothes, more newspaper).

• Use a sleeping bag that is appropriate for the conditions. If necessary, double-up two bags (putting one lightweight bag inside another). Two +20ºF sleeping bags, one inside the other will work to lower the rating (making it warmer) of both bags. Use a sleeping bag liner. There are silk and fleece liners that go inside the sleeping bag. They will lower your sleeping bag's rating by up to 10 degrees. Or buy an inexpensive fleece throw or blanket and wrap yourself in it inside the sleeping bag. Use a bivvy sack to wrap around your sleeping bag. You can make a cheap version of this by getting an inexpensive fleece sleeping bag. It isn't much more than a blanket with a zipper but it helps lower the rating by as much as 10 degrees.
• MUMMY STYLE BAGS ARE GENERALLY WARMER THAN RECTANGULAR BAGS. This is because there is less “dead air” space to warm.
• Put tomorrow's clothes in your bag with you. This is especially important if you’re small of stature. It can be pretty hard to warm up a big bag with a little body, the clothes cut down on that work. Since your dress would get wrinkled put your shawl, under clothing, socks, spare spectator clothing in the bottom to fill the gap.
• Fill a Nalgene water bottles with warm water and sleep with it at your feet. Or use toe/hand warmers. Toss them into your sleeping bag before you get in. Some of the toe/hand warmers will last 8 hours.
• Most cold weather bags are designed to trap heat. The proper way to do this is to pull the drawstrings until the sleeping bag is around your face, not around your neck. If the bag also has a draft harness make sure to use it above the shoulders and it snugs up to your neck to keep cold air from coming in and warm air from going out.
• Don't burrow in - keep your mouth and nose outside the bag. Moisture from your breath collecting in your bag is a quick way to get real cold. Keep the inside of the bag dry.
• Put a trash bag over the bottom half of your sleeping bag to help hold in the heat. A zipped up coat pulled over the foot of a sleeping bag makes an extra layer of insulation.

The Language of the Fan

In the Civil War Era, young men and women were not supposed to openly flirt with each other in public. It was considered vulgar and rude, as well as innappropriate. So, to overcome this social barrier, young women developed a coded language to communicate with young men across the massive dance floors at balls. This was the language of the fan. Every woman carried one, not only to accent her dress and cool herself in the hot ballroom, but to communicate without speaking. Of course, everyone else also knew the language of the fan and could tell what a lady was saying to a gentlemen by her fan movements.

·         THE FAN PLACED NEAR THE HEART: "You have won my love."

·         A CLOSED FAN TOUCHING THE RIGHT EYE: "When may I be allowed to see you?"

·         THE NUMBER OF STICKS SHOWN ANSWERED THE QUESTION: "At what hour?"

·         THREATENING MOVEMENTS WITH A FAN CLOSED: "Do not be so imprudent"

·         HALF-OPENED FAN PRESSED TO THE LIPS: "You may kiss me."

·         HANDS CLASPED TOGETHER HOLDING AN OPEN FAN: "Forgive me."

·         COVERING THE LEFT EAR WITH AN OPEN FAN: "Do not betray our secret."

·         HIDING THE EYES BEHIND AN OPEN FAN: "I love you."

·         SHUTTING A FULLY OPENED FAN SLOWLY: "I promise to marry you."

·         DRAWING THE FAN ACCROSS THE EYES: "I am sorry."

·         TOUCHING THE FINGER TO THE TIP OF THE FAN: "I wish to speak with you."

·         LETTING THE FAN REST ON THE RIGHT CHEEK: "Yes."

·         LETTING THE FAN REST ON THE LEFT CHEEK: "No."

·         OPENING AND CLOSING THE FAN SEVERAL TIMES: "You are cruel"

·         DROPPING THE FAN: "We will be friends."

·         FANNING SLOWLY: "I am married."

·         FANNING QUICKLY: "I am engaged."

·         PUTTING THE FAN HANDLE TO THE LIPS: "Kiss me."

·         OPENING A FAN WIDE: "Wait for me."

·         PLACING THE FAN BEHIND THE HEAD: "Do not forget me"

·         PLACING THE FAN BEHIND THE HEAD WITH FINGER EXTENDED: "Goodbye."

·         FAN IN RIGHT HAND IN FRONT OF FACE: "Follow me."

·         FAN IN LEFT HAND IN FRONT OF FACE: "I am desirous of your acquaintance."

·         FAN HELD OVER LEFT EAR: "I wish to get rid of you."

·         DRAWING THE FAN ACCROSS THE FOREHEAD: "You have changed."

·         TWIRLING THE FAN IN THE LEFT HAND: "We are being watched."

·         TWIRLING THE FAN IN THE RIGHT HAND: "I love another."

·         CARRYING THE OPEN FAN IN THE RIGHT HAND: "You are too willing."

·         CARRYING THE OPEN FAN IN THE LEFT HAND: "Come and talk to me."

·         DRAWING THE FAN THROUGH THE HAND: "I hate you!"

·         DRAWING THE FAN ADROSS THE CHEEK: "I love you!"

·         PRESENTING THE FAN SHUT: "Do you love me?"

Flowers

When a Victorian suitor wished to declare his love he often used flowers, rather than words, to express his feelings to his beloved. This charming custom was popular through-out the 19th century and carried over into the twentieth.

Here are a few flowers showing specific meanings that would have been known to people who sent and received them in the 19th early 20th centuries:

Anemone (Forsaken)
Apple Blossom (Preference)
Bachelors Buttons (Celibacy)
Buttercup (Ingratitude, Childishness)
Carnation, deep red (My poor heart)
Chrysanthemum, Red (I Love)
Chrysanthemum, White (Truth)
Clematis (Mental Beauty)
Daisy (Innocence)
Fern (Fascination)
French Marigold (Jealousy)
Hollyhock (Ambition)
Hyacinth (Sport, play)
Peony (Shame, Bashfulness)
Primrose, Evening (Inconstancy)
Rose (Love)
Rose, Cabbage (Ambassador of Love)
Rose, Multi-flora (Grace)
Rose, White (I am worthy of you)
Rose, Yellow (Decrease of Love, jealousy)
Violet, Blue (Faithfulness)
Water Lily (Purity of heart)
Rose, Christmas (Tranquilize my anxiety)

What is Venturing

Venturing is a youth development program of the Boy Scouts of America for young men and women who are 14 through 20 years of age. The purpose of venturing is to provide experiences to help young people mature and to prepare them to become responsible and caring adults.

Venturing is based on a unique and dynamic relationship between youth, adult leaders and organizations in their communities. The local community establishes a Venturing Crew by matching their people and program resources to that of young people. The result is a community based program that provides exciting and meaningful activities that helps youth pursue their special interest, to grow, to develop leadership skills, and to become good citizens.

Venturing focus around six experience areas:

1. CITIZENSHIP
   • Develop a better understanding of America's social, economic and government systems
   • Encourage a pride in our American heritage
2. Leadership
   • Develop leadership skills
   • Preparing to give leadership and fulfill our responsibilities to America society and to the people of the world
3. Fitness
   • Improve mental, emotional and physical fitness
   • Develop ethical decision-making skills
4. Social
   • Installing stable personal values
   • Develop skills in dealing with all people and encouraging a sense of family and community
5. Outdoor
   • Develop a degree of self-reliance based on courage, initiative, and resourcefulness
   • Understand and appreciate the wise use of resources and the protection of our environment
6. Services
• Encourage the skill and desire to help others

• Gain a keen respect for the basic right of others

Reenacting Terms

Every hobby or sport has it's own language, and reenacting is no exception.  Here are a few of the most widely used terms you might hear.  The reenacting language is constantly developing new terms and borrowing words from other reenactment groups, such as Mountain Man and Renaissance.

• ACW:  Nickname for American Civil War.
• CWR: Civil War Reenactment
• Authentic:  A item or portrayal that was in use at the time of the Civil War.  Can be backed up by documentation.
• CAS:  Cowboy Action Shoot.  Competition shooting done with live rounds.
• Character:  The Civil War era person you portray at reenactments.  This can be either an actual historical figure, an ancestor, or a fictional persona created out of your personal research.
• Character Biography:  Really good reenactors take the time to develop a biography for the character they play. You should know when & where your character was born in relation to the era you portray, what type of historic events they witnessed, family life, personal traumas, economic & social background, etc. The more background you build into your character, the better your portrayal. 
• Composite Interpretation:  Also called Representative Interpretation.  Portraying a fictional character who did not actually live during the Civil War, but is a character based on your historical research.  An example would be researching Civil War nurses like Aunt Lizzie Aikens and Mary Ann Bickerdyke, then developing a nurse character based on your studies.  
• De-FARB:  To remove or conceal any modern items in an encampment.  This is an order called out about 1/2 hour before camps open to the public.  
• Documentary Interpretation:  Portraying a known historical character from the times.  This  is usually done by someone who resembles the character and has done extensive research on that person.   
• FARB:  Used as both an adjective and a noun.  Indicates a reenactor, item, or activity that is not an accurate portrayal of the times - an anachronism or modern item.  Supposed to be short for "Far be it for me to tell you that was not around during the Civil War."  Examples are a costumed reenactor wearing modern glasses or sitting in an aluminum lawn chair, or ladies wearing prom gowns, or a costume created from polyester fabric.  Term is usually applied to very obviously inaccurate portrayals or items.
• First Person Interpretation:  Assuming the speech, attitudes and actions of the Civil War character you are portraying.  You must also seem to have no knowledge of anything from modern times.
• Motel Militia:  Reenactors who retire to a motel after the days activities rather than camping out.  Also used to refer to the non-reenacting spouses and family members of reenactors who do not participate but come along to the events as spectators.  Also called Ramada Rangers.
• Necessary (The):  The little blue porta-potties/outhouses/chemical toilets found at reenactments.  "The necessary" was actually a period term for outhouse.  Also called Comfort Station, Hooters, Irish Shanty, Officer's Quarters, and Our Lady of the Blue Waters.
• Out of Character:  To cease your first person interpretation, usually long enough to answer a question posed by a visitor, such as a request for membership information.  Removing the hat is the usual indicator that a reenactor is no longer in character.
• Period Correct:  An item or portrayal that would have been right at home during the Civil War era.
• Thread Nazi:  Also called Thread Counters, Authenticity Nazi's, or Fashion Police.  An individual who feels that their life calling is to point out the perceived inaccuracies in other's costumes.  Although any well meaning reenactor will tactfully and helpfully inform you of mistakes you might be making while you are starting out, this term is often applied to folks who go a tad overboard or are rude/nasty when making their terse comments on your garb.
• Tin Tepee:  An RV, camper, or travel trailer.  Borrowed from Rendezvous folks.
• Your Time/My Time:  Used to refer to a type of reenacting where the character has been "time transported" into the modern day.  The reenactor portrays a historic character who has knowledge of modern times, as in "Well, in my day we didn't have electric lights..."  Often a useful ploy when doing presentations to children's groups, or conversing with visitors who have trouble playing along with a first person character.
• Yuppie Larva:  Used to refer to peevish children at events, specifically those who already know everything about history cuz' they saw it on TV.

Dining Room Specifics

Dining Etiquette for Both Ladies and Gentlemen

ARRIVALS & SEATING ARRANGEMENTS

Be punctual for all dinner engagements. Food may not be served before all guests are seated

The host leads the guests into dine with the senior lady (in age or social standing) on his left arm. All other gentlemen follow with a compatible lady on their left arms. The hostess takes the left arm of the senior male guest and enters last

Gentlemen seat the lady they are escorting to their left. All gentlemen remain standing until all ladies are seated

Married couples are never seated together (They are together enough otherwise)

Ladies remove their gloves when they are seated. Gentlemen remove theirs just before seating themselves (gloves were often placed in tail coat pockets - See Social Rules for Gentlemen re gloves)

Sit upright, neither too close nor too far away from the table.  Open and spread upon your lap or breast a napkin.  Do not be in haste; compose yourself, put your mind into a pleasant condition, and resolve to eat slowly.

DINING

The gentlemen are to tend to the needs of the lady on their left, as well as make agreeable conversation with ladies to either side and across the table (size of table permitting)

A lady never serves herself from a buffet line. She informs her dinner partner of her wishes and he brings her plate to her

The gentleman, when a dish is brought, having seen the lady he escorted provided for, will help himself and pass it on.  He will pay no attention to the other lady near him, but will leave that to her escort.

In all cases he will be careful and attentive to the wants of the lady in his charge, ascertaining her wishes and issuing her orders to the waiters.

Basic rules of polite dinner manners apply then as now regarding use of table ware, personal habits, use of table ware, etc.

Some interesting bits of advice for the era:

Gentlemen may tuck his napkin into his collar to prevent soiling his shirt or tie, but ladies should place their napkin in their laps

Do not use your knife to carry food to your mouth or put your knife into your mouth

Do not rinse your mouth out and spit into the finger bowls or water glass

Do not gorge yourself excessively during any one course. Never ask for seconds as all other diners must wait until you are finished before being served the next course

Keep the hands from the table until your time comes to be served.  It is rude to take knife and fork in hand and commence drumming on the table while you are waiting.  Eccentricity should be avoided as much as possible at the table.

Never blow your nose at the table; also avoid sneezing or coughing. It is better to arise quietly from the table if you have occasion to do either.  A sneeze is prevented by placing the finger firmly on the upper lip.

While waiting to be served is the most appropriate time for you to put into practice your knowledge of small talk and pleasant words with those whom you are sitting near.

If soup comes first, and you do not desire it, you will simply say, "No, I thank-you," but make no comment; or you may take it and eat as little as you choose. The soup should be eaten with a medium-sized spoon, so slowly and carefully that you will drop none upon your person or the tablecloth.  Making an effort to get the last drop, and all unusual noise when eating, should be avoided.

No polite guest will ever fastidiously smell or examine any article of food before tasting it.  Such conduct would be an insult to those who have invited him. Neither will the host or hostess apologize for the cooking.

Never spit out bones, cherry pits, grape skins, etc., upon your plate. Quietly squeeze them from your mouth upon your fork, then lay them upon the side of your plate.

As consideration of deep and abstruse principles will impair digestion, never allow the conversation at the table to drift into anything but chitchat.

Never allow butter, soup, or other food to remain upon your whiskers.

Never overload your plate.

Never, when serving others, overload the plate nor force upon them delicacies which they decline.

Never make a display when removing hair, insects, or other disagreeable things from your food.  Place them quietly under the edge of your plate.

Never open your mouth while chewing.

Never make noises with the mouth or throat.

Never leave the table with food in your mouth.

Never tip back in your chair nor lounge upon the table.

Never permit yourself to use gestures, nor illustrations made with a knife or fork upon the tablecloth.

Never hold bones in your fingers while you eat from them.

Never explain at the table why certain foods do not agree with you.

Never pick your teeth or put your hand in your mouth while eating.

Never wipe your fingers on the tablecloth, nor clean them in your mouth. Always use the napkin. 

DEPARTURE

Opinions varied regarding ladies’ withdrawal to the drawing room after the meal while the men indulge in port, cigars and masculine conversation. Follow the lead of the host and hostess

Basic Social Rules for Ladies

When walking over the pavement, a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little about her ankle. With her right hand she should hold together the folds of her gown and draw them toward the right side. To raise the dress on both sides, and with both hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can be tolerated only for a moment when the mud is very deep.
A lady never demands attentions and favors form a gentleman, but always accepts them gratefully and graciously and with expressed thanks.
A married lady usually leans upon the arm of her husband; but single ladies do not, in the day, take the arm of a gentleman, unless they are willing to acknowledge an engagement. However, a gentleman with whom you are walking may offer you his arm whenever your safety, comfort, or convenience may seem to require such attention.
A lady should never take the arms of two men, one being on either side, nor should a man carry a woman upon each arm. There are, to be sure, some cases in which it is necessary for the protection of women; that they should both take her arm, as in coming home from a concert, or in passing, on any occasion, through a crowd.
If when passing through a crowd you are compelled to proceed singly, the gentleman should always precede his lady companion.
Under no circumstances may a lady call on a gentleman alone unless she is consulting that gentleman on a professional or business matter.
If unmarried and under thirty, a lady is never to be in the company of a man without a chaperone.  Except for a walk to church or a park in the early morning, she may not walk alone, but should always be accompanied by another lady, a man, or a servant.
ALWAYS
Graciously accept gentlemanly offers of assistance
Wear gloves on the street, at church & other formal occasions, except when eating or drinking
NEVER
Refer to another adult by his or her first name in public (Capt. Glass, Mrs. Barber, and Miss Smith, Mr. Jones, etc.)
Grab your hoops or lift your skirts higher than is absolutely necessary to go up stairs
Lift your skirts up onto a chair or stool, etc.
Sit with your legs crossed (except at the ankles if necessary for comfort or habit)
Lift your skirts up onto the seat of your chair when sitting down (Wait for, or if necessary, ask for assistance when sitting down at a table or on a small light chair)
Speak in a loud, coarse voice

Basic Social Rules for Gentlemen

If he is alone with a lady, he does not sit next to her unless he is her husband, brother, father, or son. 

He alights from the steps first so he may help her down.  He takes care not to step on her dress.

In walking with a lady, never permit her to encumber herself with a book, parcel or anything of that kind, but always offer to carry it.

A gentleman is always introduced to a lady--never the other way around.  It is presumed to be an honor for the gentleman to meet her.  Likewise (and it is the more general rule of which this is only a specific example), a social inferior is always introduced to a superior--and only with the latter's acquiescence.

In going up a flight of stairs, a gentleman precedes the lady; in going down, a gentleman follows.

If a gentleman meets a lady who is a good friend and who signifies that she wishes to speak to him, he must turn and walk with the lady if he wishes to converse.  It is not "done" to make a lady stand talking in a street.

A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the street, should not presume to join her in her walk without ascertaining that his company would be entirely agreeable. It might be otherwise, and she should frankly say so.

In walking with a lady, it is customary to give her the right arm; but when circumstances render it more convenient to give her the left, it may be properly done (i.e. The gentleman always walks on the street side of the sidewalk).

At night your arm should always be offered to a lady, and also when ascending the steps of a public building. If a lady with whom you are walking receives the salute of a person who is a stranger to you, you should return it, not for yourself, but for her.

When two gentlemen are walking with a lady in the street, they should not be both upon the same side of her, but one of them should walk upon the outside and one upon the inside.

In the presence of ladies: never stand with your back to the fire, nor put your feet on the rungs of a chair, nor loll back on sofas, nor yawn, nor read aloud without being asked to do so, nor put your elbows on a table, nor drum tunes with your fingers, nor indulge in any of those minor vulgarities which may render you disagreeable to others.

ALWAYS

Stand up when a lady enters a room (or your presence)

Stand up when a lady stands

Offer a lady your seat if no others are available

Assist a lady with her chair when she sits down or stands, especially when at a table or when the chairs are small and light

Retrieve dropped items for a lady

Open doors for a lady

Help a lady with her coat, cloak, shawl, etc.

Offer to bring a lady refreshment if they are available

Offer your arm to escort a lady (with whom you are acquainted) into or out of a building or a room at all social events, and whenever walking on uneven ground

Remove your hat when entering a building

Lift your hat to a lady when she greets you in public (Merely touching the brim or a slight "tip" of the hat was very rude)

NEVER

Refer to another person by their first name in public (Capt. Glass, Mrs. Barber, and Miss Smith, Mr. Jones, etc.)

Curse or discuss "impolite" subjects when ladies are present

Leave a lady you know unattended, except with permission

Greet a lady in public unless she acknowledges you first (see "Always" #11)

Eat or drink while wearing gloves

Nod to a lady in the street, neither be satisfied with touching your hat, but take it off-it is a courtesy her sex demands

Ballroom Specifics

Young ladies should avoid sauntering about the hall or leaving the ballroom alone; they should be accompanied by a guardian or a trustworthy gentleman of their acquaintance.

Never forget that ladies are to be first cared for, to have the best seats, the places of distinction and are entitled in all cases to your courteous protection.

Gentlemen must not bring weapons (pistols, swords, knives, etc) into the dancehall. Likewise, spurs are not to be worn into the building. Ladies are not usually expected to be carrying any weapons!

Form

For the dances, it should be remembered that the Lady is always to the
Gentleman's RIGHT.

In any particular dance, the Head Couple is the couple NEAREST the Band.

In a "Promenade Stance" the couple faces COUNTERCLOCKWISE
and holds both hands, with RIGHT hands on TOP of the LEFT hands.

REQUESTING DANCES

Gentlemen, it's an honor! Request it as such (“May I have the honor of this dance?”)

Ladies, never refuse one gentleman and accept another for the same dance, unless it was previously promised.  Be very careful how you refuse to dance with a gentleman. A prior engagement will, of course, excuse you but if you plead fatigue, do not dance the set with another.

Gentlemen, be very careful not to forget an engagement. It is an unpardonable breach of politeness.

ON THE DANCE FLOOR

Gentlemen, lead the lady on and off the dance floor. The gentleman should offer his arm to the lady who consents to dance with him. At the conclusion, he will re-conduct her to her place and thank her for the honor of the dance.

Lead a lady as lightly as you would tread a measure with a spirit of gossamer.

The customary honors’ of a bow and a curtsey should be given at the commencement and conclusion of each dance.

During the course of a dance, one should endeavor to look pleasant, politely greeting other couples in the set as one moves through the figures of the dance.  However, one should not dance or caper in a manner that would draw attention to oneself.

Dance quietly, do not kick and caper about, nor sway your body to and fro, dance only from the hips downwards.

Gentlemen, If a lady waltzes with you, beware not to press her waist; you must only lightly touch it with an open palm of your hand.

Gentlemen, always thank the lady for the honor of dancing with her

Ladies, a smile and a nod are sufficient responses to a gentleman's "Thank you"

Never dance with the same partner more than once or, at most, twice in an evening, especially with your spouse

Gentlemen, when at a dance you are expected to dance, and dance frequently, leaving no "wall-flowers" who are willing, and waiting to dance.

The Qualities of a Lady

By Varina Jefferson Davis
Adapted by Martha Clippinger

A lady should be quiet in her manners, natural and unassuming in her language, careful to wound no one’s feelings, but giving generously and freely from the treasures of her pure mind to her friends. Scorning no one openly, she should feel gentle pity for the unfortunate, the inferior and the ignorant, at the same time carrying herself with an innocence and single heartedness which disarms ill nature, and wins respect and love from all.

A lady is simply someone who cares about herself and others. She sees that her garments are clean and neatly pressed, her shoes are polished, and every button is in place. She is neat and tidy even at the  breakfast table and wishes to appear well to her own family.  She keeps her hair clean and well-groomed and never puts her hand to her hair to re-arrange it or search for loose pins while others can see.

A lady does not monopolize the conversation. She does not talk of herself and her own affairs but listens with well-simulated interest to a story that bores her.  This is the mark of good breeding.  She does not sit apart with one or two friends but makes the gentle effort to assure a good time for all with pleasant conversation.  A lady does not say or do anything that will upset those around her or make them uncomfortable.

A lady does not let any man kiss her or put his arm around her unless she is engaged to be married to him, and even then she should be a little stingy with her favors.

A lady, when she brushes off her hat, does not forget to brush away the cobwebs…in her brain.  She does not conclude that every man who has said something pleasant to her has fallen in love with her.

A lady is possessed of refinement, which prevents her from all fidgeting, from playing with her handkerchief, her umbrella, her purse, or whatever may be in her hands.  When she sits down she remains quietly, her hands resting easily without movement and her whole figure is filled with repose.  She is calm, composed, self-controlled at all times, yet there are no airs about her.  These qualities are what keep her from talking and laughing loudly, and they prevent her from hurting the feelings of anyone.

A lady does not grow weary in well-doing but encourages herself by trying to live up to her ideal of a woman.